he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
