The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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