Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
