did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
