I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
