Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
