If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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