i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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