have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
