I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
