the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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