My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the condom got lost in my hair
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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