i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
