True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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