It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
