Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
