talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize