is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
