is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
