He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
