the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
