In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you win again, gameday.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
