Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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