i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if only i could text you this smell
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
