She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
