i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
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