Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
