her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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