it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
