I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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