Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
