We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
