I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
