You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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