i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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