i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
