I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
