I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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