i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
