Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
