First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The uberlube is also flammable
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
