We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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