i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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