I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You're like the curious george of whores
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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