soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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