I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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