Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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