Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
