My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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