Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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