Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
