Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
