Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
