So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
