My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
