Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
