You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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