I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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