mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
