My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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