dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think i have herpe
just one?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
