He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
