me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
