You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
