My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize