Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize