Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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